Webb Bridge Middle School Parents Learn Lessons About Children's Impulses

A child psychiatrist visiting the Webb Bridge Middle School PTA Lunch and Learn Series recently told parents they must serve as a child's frontal lobe.

Dr. Ashraf Attalla, medical director of Youth Services at Ridgeview Institute, offered his knowledge and experiences to help parents navigate in dealing with children who may be using drugs, participating in the "choking game," cutting and other risky behaviors.

Monica Phillips, vice president of community and health for the PTA, said the lunch and learn program's value is to show parents what resources are available.

"We feel that it gives parents  a way to maybe come and hear about things that we hear about from our kids, but don't know always what's going on," she said.

"Every parent's dream is that their kid would listen to them and do as they say. And you get frustrated when it doesn't happen," Attalla said.

The reason it doesn't happen is that nature doesn't trust you. Nature wants a child to try different things for survival. The frontal lobe, which governs this behavior, doesn't develop until a person is in their teens. All kids universally will be impulsive because of this.

A person's brain upgrades twice in a lifetime, he said. The first time is when a child develops language skills. The second time is when a child becomes a teen. Attalla likened the process to a car getting an upgraded engine first, providing a boost in horsepower. But the brake pads–or frontal lobes–are upgraded last, not until a person is in their teens. Carrying the car analogy further along, he said it's like a Ferrari without brakes.

Children will try new things without thinking about them too much, he said.

"You have the pleasure during all that time to be the surrogate frontal lobe and to be those brakes, which sometimes you enjoy, sometimes you don't enjoy as much," he said.

One of the things to watch for is drug use.

The problem with drugs these days compared to the '70s or '80s is that the drugs are much more powerful, he said. They are also more easily accessible. Another bad trend is that kids are starting to use durgs at an earlier age. The fastest growing group of kids starting to use drugs are middle schoolers. A spike in beginning drug use happens between ages 12 and 24.

"Which means that kids are starting to use it in seventh, eighth and ninth grades," Attalla said.

If a child hasn't used drugs in middle school to high school, he or she probably never will abuse drugs.

"If a 14-year-old, never uses drugs, there are minimal chances that you will become a substance abuser," he said.

Attalla gave the parents a few tips on finding out if their children are using drugs. He said if the parent brings up the issue of drugs and pot with a child and a big smile appears on the child's face, you knw they have used drugs. If the child talks positively about drugs, saying it's OK, not a big deal and everybody does it, that's the attitude that predisposes them to be using drugs. A child who speaks negatively about drugs and seems sincere probably isn't using drugs.

And what your parents always told you about hanging out with a bad crowd is true. The highest risk for using drugs is having a peer, somebody who the child is in contact for at least an hour a day, who uses drugs–including family members.

Asking about friends' attitude toward drugs is a good way to open a dialog with a child and to get an idea of his or her attitude toward drug use.

If a child is found to be using drugs, parents must regularly test them for drugs, no matter how unpleasant that makes them feel, Attalla said.

Other risky behavior includes a child cutting himself.

Kids use pencils, razors or anything sharp to inflict injuries on their skin as a way to calm themselves down. A lot of kids might try this, but if it becomes a habit or is even done more than once, Attalla said that's a red flag for him. A normal response is to find it's painful and stop.

"But there would always be kids who will like it," he said.

This type of child needs to be seen by a professional or be evaluated.

The "choking game" is another risk behavior Attalla addressed.

Holding your breath until you get faint probably is not as dangerous as these other behaviors, unless you have a heart condition or respiratory problem.

But putting a plastic bag on top of your head or someone applying pressure on your neck is dangerous. The neck is a place to avoid, with major arteries supplying blood to the brain.

If you apply pressure in certain spots the venous supply is cut off so that blood can't leave the brain and it starts to swell.

Other ways kids do this is by tying things around their neck such as belts or ropes. Most kids do this in a group for the spectators.

"When I've seen kids who've done this by themselves, I was really troubled," Attalla said.

Most of the times a child was hurt in the "choking game" is when he was by himself.

Children need to be taught ways to cope with stress and issues. Exercise and sports are good alternatives, as exercising creates a release of endorphins just like drugs do.

"We don't do anything in life unless it feels good and there is some sort of reward," Attalla said.

Sports or any after school activity is great, he said. The problem is matching the child with something he is passionate about. Parents shouldn't take the attitude that a child doesn't want to do it. Some depressed is not motivated.

"My question to them, who said that this is a choice for them?" he said. "You don't ask...if they have a choice if they want to go to school or not."