A Marriage Without Love?!?!

One of the saddest stories in the Bible is the story of Leah in Genesis.  She was the first wife of Jacob.  Jacob worked for 7 years to marry Leah’s beautiful, younger  sister, Rachel.  Rachel and Leah’s father, Laban, deceived Jacob and gave Leah to him in marriage because it was against the custom of the day for a younger sister to be married before the eldest.  Because of the customary head covering of the culture, Jacob did not recognize that he had been deceived until after the wedding ceremony.   Jacob wasn’t in love with Leah.  He was in love with Rachel.  I am sure that Leah probably had some idea of what was going on, but overall, the situation was out of her control.  So she finds herself  in a marriage, but completely rejected and unloved.  It is an oxymoron really - a marriage without acceptance, without affection, and without love.   

I wish I could sit here and write that this was an isolated incident only happening in ancient cultures.  Unfortunately, my experiences have taught me different.  In my job, as a pastor, I have listened to many, many wounded souls suffering from this same rejection and loss.  In many ways it is the loss of a dream.  Most of us dream of being tenderly loved and respected in every way and having a marriage where spouses work together as a team to live life well.  No one should expect that to happen instantly, but over time it should be achievable.  Regretfully, many people, even those in the Christian faith, bring into their marriages selfishness that is precipitated by neglect, abandonment, anger, or even ignorance based out of their past .  They may work to please and love their spouse in one way, but completely isolate them in others.  There are all kinds of life experiences that cause walls to go up that shut other people out, but none of them are good; comfortable perhaps, but not good.   

In the story of Leah, Jacob works seven more years to gain permission to marry Rachel.  Leah continues on in this marriage her entire life.  Not much is said about Leah’s relationship with God, but I am guessing that she regularly poured out her frustration and pain to God because we see God bless her and honor her in other ways.  Jesus, the Messiah, would eventually come from her family line.  She does outlive Rachel, and I can only hope that Jacob eventually treated Leah with the respect and love that she deserved. 

There are many who would say that divorce is the easy and fair solution to this problem in the modern day.  What I know is that many do not choose divorce – either for the sake of the children involved, or to honor the vows they made, or because what is right in the relationship makes it worthy of remaining committed.  I also know that faithfulness is worth something in God’s economy.  Those who remain committed in this type of marriage may never reap the benefits on this earth, but I am confident that they will be richly rewarded in the next life.   I also believe that if possible,  extreme communication and counseling should at least be steps taken, even if it does not achieve the desired results.   Because Jesus lives, there is always, always hope no matter how destitute the situation. 

While I cannot fix things, I would like to end this blog today by saying some things to those married individuals who are hurting due to the selfishness of a spouse:
“You are worthy and deserving of love.  You are beautiful or handsome just as you are.  God loves you deeply and He is saddened by the pain caused by someone who should love you the most on this earth.  You deserve flowers, dinner, romance, or whatever gift would make you feel loved and remembered today.  Valentine’s Day should be a day of great celebration for you and while you may not receive a single thing today, God is rejoicing over you.  His love never, ever fails and he will not forget you today because it is your name that is inscribed on the palm of His hand.” 

Leah's story can be found beginning in Genesis 29 for those who want to read it.