Moms Talk: What Do You Do If You Dislike A Child's Soon To Be Spouse?

Each week Patch readers just like you send in their questions to the Alpharetta-Milton Moms Council by clicking on the email the author button at the top of the article. We then answer the questions as experienced moms and give our opinion. Then it is your turn. We would love for you to add your thoughts in the comments section at the bottom of the article so we can have a discussion on the topic of the day. 

This week's question is based on the news story from across the globe. A woman and her soon to be husband went to stay at his mother's house for a vacation. After the trip, the future mother-in-law sent the bride to be an email describing what she thought of her. You can read the email and all about this story here. This is what prompted this week's question for our discussion. 

Q: If your son or daughter brought home someone that they were engaged to marry, how would you handle the situation?

A: If my child was old enough to get married, then he or she is old enough to choose the person to marry. I would graciously keep my mouth shut unless I was concerned for the safety or well-being of my child. I do not choose who my kids will marry just as my parents did not choose who I did. It may be a mistake but it will be the mistake of my child's. I cannot make those decisions for my kids, nor would I try to. It would probably push the child more to the future spouse anyways. Parents should just smile and be thankful that their child is happy and in love.

-Tammy Bester, mom of 3

A: First of all, I think the mother's email was completely out of order. You don't judge people by their actions the first time you meet them and you cannot impose your manners on others.

 If i have issues with my daughters’ spouses/friends, I will discuss the issue with my daughters and not the spouses/friends. In doing that my children might see the issues themselves if there are any issues. I will advise them but they need to make their own decisions on whom to date and marry.

Also, good lesson learned–you do not write letters/emails when you are angry just like you do not respond to people by speaking bad words because you are angry, so many times you write or say things you wish you could take back.

 My advice to children in love–engaged or not–warn your spouses/friends about your parents. You grew up with them and you know them more than outsiders. You do not want to subject your spouses/friends to humiliation and you do not want to make your parents angry.

If your spouse/friends do not have the qualities and manners your parents are looking for in their children’s’ spouse/friends you must come in between the two parties–you talk to your parents to accept your spouse/friends the way they are or you inform your spouse/friends about your parent’s standard before they meet

-Nike Lawal, mom of 3