Moms Talk: Kids, Parents And Technology

Times have changed since we were kids and the technology has as well. Children today have a constant stream of ability to to be exposed to adult content. This issue leads us to our topic today in Moms Talk. We hope  you will join in our discussion and express your opinion in the "tell us in the comments" section below.

Q: As a parent, how do you protect your children from innapropriate activity with technology?

A: My daughter is 20 now, but I remember sitting with a group of friends when my daughter was in high school and I was horrified to learn that I was the only one of the moms in the group who did NOT read my daughter's text messages and emails. I wondered what what was wrong with me. Then, I remembered two words–trust and respect–and realized it wasn't me that was in the wrong.

Trust - My husband and I had very open lines of communication with our daughter. We taught her right from wrong and she was a good kid. There was no reason not to trust her.

Respect - I never dug through my daughter's drawers either. She was entitled to her privacy and I respected that.

Now that I'm the mom of a young adult, I wonder what I would have done differently if my daughter had abused the trust and respect she earned. She did earn it by her behavior. I know social media has expanded since my daughter was a pre-teen or a young teen, but I think I would have withdrawn the privileges for some period of time, but once she got the privilege to use her phone or the computer back, she would have been entitled to the trust and respect that went with it.

-Ronna Ruppelt, mom of 1

A: These are the things we do to monitor technology-

1. They do not have free access to get on the computer, tv or video games, they must ask and their time is limited.
2. We watch the ratings on games and movies and get receipts sent to our email on anything purchased on itunes.
3. All computers are in family areas and there is an adult around when they are on the computer.
4. I don't know if good or bad, but between the four kids, there is a fairly regular "tattle-tale" fear...thinking if Mom and Dad don't catch them a sibling will!
5. Only one has a cell phone with limited text and talk. I do not regularly check the text, but will randomly ask who he is talking to and make him aware I know what he is up to. He is not quite 13, so I will have to listen to the other moms to see what I need to learn when he does start wanting to do more teen activities.

-Teri Harrison, mom of 4

A: I use parental controls on our TV, computers, and although it's included in my family cellphone plan, I de-activate digital capacity on my kids' phones. They cannot send pictures, access and download music or other misc. from the phone company or Internet. Their phone allows calls, texting and just the features it's already loaded with. Computers and cellphones have to be left charging downstairs before bedtime and everyone "unplugs" before bed. They must friend me on Facebook, and know if they are worried about me seeing something they're posting publicly, then its not appropriate to post. There is always the ABILITY to read their texts, emails, etc.... but I'll never tell if I do. I just want them to know that I CAN. Lets just say, I'm a busy parent, and I'm not really interested in knowing all their (less than sophisticated) discussions...

I don't buy into the "everyone else's parent lets them....."  because frankly, I really don't care what other parents do. I know that the media powers that be do not care about my children whatsoever. It is obvious by what is allowed on video games, TV, movies, etc. ....  So the only way to take back some control is to let my kids do without. I know that they have access at friend's homes, but the message is still clear about what I do and do not approve of, and that is the best I can do.

As they get older, all of this becomes more and more complicated as I straddle the boundaries of giving them more freedom, and still maintaining a moral compass on acceptability in my home. I have to just trust that even if they dabble in danger zones, they will have the foundation that keeps them in the right direction. It's not easy, but if you're not watching, I promise you, you will be shocked at what your kids are exposed to these days–and sadly, they are so acclimated to it all.

– Audrey Greenwood, mom of 3

A: The times have certainly changed since our parents limited our outside playing time to when the streetlights turn on. With all the technology, paying attention to every detail when using today's technology takes far more diligence.

My family says I am overprotective, but I call it parenting. We purchased a used laptop for our daughters, and placed it on our kitchen table. We set the rules before anyone could use it: An adult must be in the same room at all times and the kids are limited to 30 minutes of screen time per day. I usually limit Internet time to no later than 7 p.m. in an effort to allow sufficient time to prepare for bed. We have installed parental controls that restrict surfing Web sites to only those that we deem appropriate. Our computer is also limited to one room where we all spend most of our time so Internet activity can monitored at all times.

My daughter has a cellphone for emergency use only.  The cellphone is from Kajeet and it has a GPS tracking system and a fantastic parental feature. I load each phone number that I want my daughter to be able to call or text so that  I know exactly who she is speaking with at all times because I am in control.

Technology has advanced for all of us. But good parenting remains the same. We as moms still have the final say on who and what can enter our children's lives.

-Lori Johnson-Salata,mom of 2