Moms Talk: How Young Is Too Young To Marry?

Each week, Patch readers are invited to send in parenting questions to the Alpharetta-Milton Moms Council. This group of moms gives their opinions on the question and then turns the table to readers to answer with their opinions as well. We invite you to send in questions by clicking the email the author button and add your opinion by hitting the tell us in the comments button. 

This week, we received the following email. 

How young is too young to get married? My daughter is 22 and has just finished college. She wants to get married this year. She has a job and so does her fiance. There is no financial reason for them to wait. They have been dating for three years. But, the divorce rate in this country is so high. She still seems so young to make a lifelong commitment. Would it be wrong of me to encourage them to wait longer to marry? Even bribe them with wedding money or a house down payment if they wait five more years? I just don't want to watch them get divorced in 10 years when they realize that they got married too young for today's society. What do you think?

This leads us to our Moms Talk for this week.

Q: How young is too young to marry?

A: Unfortunately, this is one of those areas of life where parents really don't have a say.... and if we try to have a say, it could backfire on us. When they become adults, their life is really up to them, and it is up to them to seek our advice or not. This is where their personality, and the job we've done as parents, and the relationship we have with them will come into play.... they may seek our advice, they may not. They may embrace it, they may reject it. I am certain that anything my parents said to me on this subject would have just stirred up anger if it was not in line with my desires. And they knew that about me (I believe the word they always used for me was "Pig-Headed"). So they bit their tongue with every boyfriend I brought home, and when I announced at age 22 that I was getting married (shortly after I turned 23). I am still with the same wonderful man I fell in love with then! And I'm so glad I don't have any negative comments from my parents and family to look back on.

I DO think I will be suggesting pre-marital counseling through a respected program though... I'd like them to go into marriage with eyes wide open. And I won't wait until they've found that special someone. I'll suggest it along the way, so that it isn't taken personally when they meet Mr/Mrs. "Right". -Audrey Greenwood, mom of 3

A: I do not think the divorce rate going up in this country has anything to do with age.

The issues with marriage problems and divorce rates are numerous but I believe the values you instilled in your daughter will keep her through marriage challenges and she will have a blissful marriage.

I know people that married young before they turned 20, they are still married, growing together and raising wonderful kids. I have heard of couples marrying in their late twenties and the marriage did not last.

Factors that make good marriages are good communication flow between the couples and commitment to the marriage.

I will pray for them and bless their marriage, they dated for three years I am sure they understand each other. Bribing them may not work, also staying in a relationship for too long before marriage could be dangerous, and temptation is real.

They are lucky to have good jobs! I wish the young couples all the best. -Nike Lawal, mom of 3

A: How young is too young to get married is a tough question for any mom to answer. My mother gave me the advice you would like to give your daughter and that is wait to get married. Now for me it was advice that was well received and I said my "I do's" at age 35 years old. I know that when I was in my early 20s I was still trying to decide what I really wanted out of life and where it would take me. In my heart I would love to see my daughters wait until they have seen and done things by themselves prior to getting married, but inevitably it is their choice to make and I can only support them as my mother supported me. -Lori Johnson-Salata, mom of 2

A: I don't think it matters. An adult child is never going to listen to their parents to suggest waiting to get married once the child has marriage on the brain. or, maybe, I at least would not have if my parents had tried. as parents, sometimes our job is to just let kids make their own mistakes or better yet, succeed when we think they are making mistakes and prove us wrong. Once our children are adults, we just have to sit back and be supportive of them, and be there to pick up the pieces when they fail and rejoice with them when they succeed. -Tammy Bester, mom of 3