How Do Parents Keep Friendships When The Kids Do Not Get Along?

Each week, Patch gets emails from readers who have a parenting question that they would like discussed on the site. A few Patch moms get together and give opinions on the topic. We then turn it around and ask for readers to give their opinions as well. This week is a question that many of us have been faced with as well. We hope you join in and give your opinion at the end of the article in the comments section. if you would like to send us a question or join the Moms Council, please email the author.

Here is the letter we got this week.

I have a situation that maybe you all can help me with. My neighbor and friend has a daughter my own daughter's age.  The two girls used to be such great friends, but they have been fighting a lot, and my friend's daughter seems to be getting into a lot of trouble and trying to bring my daughter with her.

Thankfully lately when my daughter is asked to go over for a play date we are busy, but I fear the day when we are home (they live across the street) and I decline the play date for no apparent reason other than my daughter doesn't like her child anymore.

Q: How do I keep a relationship with my friend while allowing my daughter to distance herself from her friendship?

A: I had a similar issue, but the kids were much older.  While I was happy to let my child choose their own friend, the other parent seems way too involved with their relationship.

I often find I put the blame on myself or my child to relieve others of fault, but still win over the situation. (such as)  "... yeah, Susie is kinda funny.  She seems to go in and out of friendships a lot.  I think she is just trying to figure out what she likes.".  Or "she's a bit funny the way she likes to be alone  sometimes.  I think she gets over-stimulated sometimes and she just needs to re-group".  

I don't typically like lying, but it is awkward with neighbors.  I'd rather have them think my kid is weird, or I'm overly permissive, indulgent, whatever, then to put others on the defensive and suggest they own the problem.  It can create a long uncomfortable relationship...

Of course, this wouldnt apply if they really WERE psycho and owned all the problem!!-Audrey Greenwood, mom of 2

A: Thankfully I have great neighbors for the most part. I have to say that when my kids have had issues with my friend's kids, I simply talk to the other mom. If my kid was misbehavng, I would want to know. Every time, it has been discussed and the friendship remained solid.

I have known kids that I prefer my children not play with. When they would come to play, I would just say that my child was busy and could not play. I dislike lying but I will not force my child to play with someone that they do not want to play with or who I would prefer them not to play with. I would rather be polite and not let anyone get feelings hurt. -Tammy Bester, mom of 3