Moms Talk: Can I Ask Friends' Children To Call Me Ms Rather Than By My First Name?

Every Wednesday, Patch starts a discussion prompted by an email from a reader. The topic can have anything at all to do with parenting. Members of the Alpharetta Moms Council have an opportunity to state their opinion on the topic and then we open it up to readers to tell us what you think. We would love to hear from you. Simply add your opinion to the bottom under comments. 

If you would like to join the Alpharetta, Milton Moms council, please email Bob Pepalis or Tammy Bester. If you would like to submit a question for a future Moms Talk, please send it to Tammy Bester. 

This week's letter came from a local mom. She wrote the following email. 

My husband and I have been friends with another couple for 4 years now, and our daughters are the same age. Our friend's daughter calls my husband and I by our first name, and every time I hear her call me my name without a Ms., I cringe.

Q:Is it my place to ask her to call me Miss (insert first name here), or is that up to the parent on how their child addresses an adult?

A: I think parents need to teach their children manners but some parents do not care. We still need to teach and correct our children, most of the time they do not know right from wrong.Talking to her parents to correct the issue might be a problem, it's like teaching them how to raise their daughter. I would address the issue myself, I would correct her next time she calls you by your name...just look into her eyes and say "you meant Ms XX right?" Something like that. -Nike Lawal, mom of 3

A: I've had this issue come up myself a lot of times. I don't hesitate to let the child know what to call me by. Sometimes they just keep calling me by my first name, and I keep correcting them (I have no problem doing it in front of the parent.... I just do it in a non-threatening tone/way). Eventually they will come 'round, and I find that the parents are often times happy with it having been dealt with because for whatever reason, they just didn't know how to place the expectation on the child themselves. 

I, for one, am NOT on board with the way our society has let go of so many formalities. I think the lines are all being washed away, and respect seems to only be for those who "earn" it. I was raised to feel that I was not on equal footing with adults and that I was to yield to them. The older they were, the more yielding was required. This may sound harsh to some, but to this day, I have a very healthy respect for authority (of course there are always "earned" exceptions to this!).-Audrey Greenwood, mom of 3

A: I am going to be the minority on this one, I can feel it. Being raised in California, the only time we ever called someone sir or ma'am was when we were talking to a police officer. The only time we called adults Mr. or Ms. was at school, and even then many teachers used their first names. When I moved to Georgia and was referred to as Ms. Tammy, I felt it was very formal and awkward. I do not like it and I do not require my children to call people by Mr. or Ms. 

I am respectful about it and my children are as well. They will call an adult whatever the adult introduces themselves as. So, if my friends want to be called Ms, so and so, they should introduce themselves to my kids that way. I always state my name as Tammy and expect kids to call me it. Very few kids call me Ms. Tammy but my kids do call many adults their names followed by Ms.

I think that if it makes you uncomfortable, you should just tell your friend that you prefer the Ms. in front of your name. I would not like another adult correcting my children on something like that. I would want to handle it myself. -Tammy Bester, mom of 3