Moms Talk: At What Age Is It Appropriate To Date?

Patch would love for you to participate in a discussion on dating with us. A reader sent in the question by hitting the email the author button this past week. This mom would like to know what we think and we would like to know what you think. Add your comments to the end of the article and let's start a discussion on teens and dating.

Q:At what age is it OK for kids to date? Is it different for boys and girls? 

A: As a mother of 2 young daughters I dread the day that my girls want to begin dating. My husband and I have debated this very issue and we currently have decided that age 16 would be appropriate for our daughters. Dating and at what age should be based on the maturity of the child and not by the gender or what their peers are doing at a certain age. Sending our kids out into the grown up world of dating is a scary idea for me, and I think I will take a page out of my mother's book and give my girls cab fare when they leave my house. That way I know they can always get back to me safely. - Lori Salata, mom of 2

A: I was dating before my parents knew I was dating and now that I am a mom, that scares me! I was 14 years old and going out alone on dates. From this, I know that 14 is too young. I would love to say 18, or better yet, 25; but I know that this is not realistic. I guess I would probably say 16 is a good age to say it is appropriate. Of course, this also depends on the child. I will not  tell my daughter that she can date at 16 prior though because when 16 rolls around and if she is not mature enough, I will not let her go. And, likewise, if she is 15 and I trust her and she is mature enough to handle any situation that may come her way and I know the boy and his family and a million other requirements I will have, I may let her go. I just dread the day my daughter starts dating! 

When it comes to my boys, I think I will be a lot more relaxed about it. I know what we, as parents, are teaching them now and what we will continue to teach them. As long as they are mature enough to handle dating and understand how to behave and how not to behave, I would probably let them date a bit earlier.

It is a hard question for me. My oldest is about to turn 11 so I do not have the situation in my house yet. I remember being a teen and it scares the daylights out of me that my kids will be around kids who behave like I did! -Tammy Bester, mom of 3

A: My children are not yet at the dating age, so my answer may change when I get to that point. I have experienced my middle school boys talking about "going out", but at this age there really isn't anywhere to go- and I say where are you going! I still think 15-16 is an acceptable age to start dating, and only if the child is really ready. I don't know if the age should depend on the child's gender, but more on their interest and maturity to start dating. -Teri Harrison, mom of 4

A: Regarding what age it is OK to date, I think it depends on the particular child and I also think it depends on the plans for the date. My first date was a school choir concert at the age of 13. His dad drove him to pick me up, we went to the concert, his dad drove us home and that was it. On hindsight, I think because of the fact their neither parent made a "big deal" about it, it was a very matter of fact evening that was very harmless. 

When my daughter was a pre-teen, her and her friends travelled in packs. The group of kids went bowling, to a movie or to someone's house. Kids may have called each other "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," but because it was always a pack–and typically many of the kids were not "paired off," it allowed the kids to become comfortable being friends with kids of the opposite gender.  

The other thing that was really helpful was that in 7th grade and part of 8th grade, there was a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party–or several–almost every weekend.  (We did not live in this area at the time.) That also allowed the kids to have a place to go to have fun, to be with their friends of both genders and to be supervised without them even being conscious that it was happening. So, dating was not really a priority.  

Like many things, when children are not allowed to do something, I think it only makes them want to do it more. The thing that is not allowed becomes mysterious. Children mature at different rates and have a differences in their sense of self. Each parent has to assess when their child is ready and make the decision based upon that. -Ronna Ruppelt, mom of 1

If you would like to see your answer posted here with ours, please let us know! We would love to have more Alpharetta and Milton moms join us on the Moms Council. Email Bob Pepalis or Tammy Bester for more information.